This is the way my Christmas tree has looked for a week now. It is a perfect illustration of the state of our family at this moment in time. If anyone even swings by the blog anymore then my apologies. It has been sooooooo long since I last blogged or even felt like blogging and a couple of you reached out recently to check on me so I figured I owed an explanation.
Long time readers know we are a family created by immigration and adoption. We are together by choice and not biology. Since we did not have the benefit of shared DNA and months of intimate gestation, our family ties need much more TLC to prevent knots or breakage. We've been struggling there......
Those of you with experience in special needs or mental health professions will be familiar with the reference in the title of this post but for those not familiar here is a short explanation. In counseling there is a story to try and redirect ones focus on the 'big picture'. Let's say all your life you have dreamed of traveling to Italy. So much so that you saved every penny, read every travelogue, and even took Italian lessons so you could order those delectable meals you read about in the travelogue. Finally you have the time and money and you book your dream trip....but the plane lands in Amsterdam with an announcement that due to completely unforeseen circumstances this is where your trip ends. There is not going to be an Italian dream trip...ever...not going to happen!
It is at this point that the counselor tries to show you how very much you will miss in all the grandeur of Amsterdam if you stay curled in a fetal position at the airport mourning your lost dream! In our case there are some variables we are still working through. Like how sooooooo very long we had to wait for the right time and money to book our way to Italy and how sooooo many family members that we are invested in have already reached Italy and insist on texting you constant updates on all the fantastic experiences THEY are having in Italy even as they know you sit stranded forever in Amsterdam!!!
Well I'm out of the fetal position. Partly because my intellect sees the benefits of embracing Amsterdam but partly only out of duty....what Mother leaves their children stranded at the Amsterdam airport while they have a pity party?? We are walking around checking out Amsterdam...but I must admit that I have in no way made an emotional connection with this new destination yet. The girls still think we can figure out a plan B that gets us to Italy so they are not very excited about our tours of Amsterdam either. Really, I am still pretty numb. Just look at our Christmas tree....we are going through the motions but there is no excitement...not joy...not emotional connection to the season...yet! I have hope we will make a breakthrough.....
We hear they do a might fine Christmas in Amsterdam (-:
Maybe we'll meet you in Amsterdam...we have our first psych appointment on Thursday.
ReplyDeleteOh Suzanne, I will pray for you and the girls and your beloved. Life gets tough and the moms get tougher!! It can be a great burden to consider our responsibility as mother in our family life, and I sometimes think hard on all the ways my child needs me and will need me, and will (likely someday) reject me or ignore me for a time. But we are the glue, and we will always do all we can for our children and family. You are in my prayers. God bless your family.
ReplyDeleteI hope somehow Amsterdan looks better and bright and even better then Italy, then Italy will come as well, time a hard but one day at a time is the only way to do it sometimes even if its seems like forever and nothing will change.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you........