Wednesday, January 4, 2012

It's a New Year....?

We walked our way through the holidays. Not sure anyone but Julia really ever 'felt' the holiday. Not that there weren't plenty of feelings...just not that special awe inspiring emotion usually found around this magical time of the year. We made it mostly because we could all see that the darkest part of the journey we have been on of late is beginning to look a bit brighter.

We finally decorated the tree. Okay, Auntie Peggy finally finished our tree but it was while I was busy cooking a for a family dinner night. All the 'right' gifts were bought and wrapped and duly delivered. 

All the family visited...we even hosted my Dad this year as our ranch style home was better suited to his ever increasing frailty.

I made and served two Thanksgiving dinners as well as Christmas and New Years. We changed up the Christmas 'tradition' a bit now that there are no more Santa believers.

Midnight mass followed by the gift opening marked the beginning of a new tradition.

 ....and we did all of this when what we really wanted to be doing was laying curled in our beds with the covers over our heads and hoping the phones would stop ringing. Depression, grief, anxiety, PTSD, SAD, menopause, and adolescence all ganged up on us at once and it sucked every last ounce of strength from us that it could. But we have been blessed with a loving family who came and propped us up and jobs that provide the benefits and income for us to seek the care and intervention of specialists. Together those helped us find the strength to get up and walk our way through the holidays!

We are walking a little stronger each day.

The dark is not quite so black. Not sure if we are just in a clearing or if we are on our way into the light? I suspect the first, especially since there is another adolescence racing towards us at a VERY high rate of speed.

But the family is still close and the specialists are on speed dial so I have to hope we will make the trek out into the valley on the other side of this mountain before long. Now to find the strength to take the tree down...sometime before Valentine's Day!!!!

Happy New Year!


  1. Well, God is blessing your family through this time, I can see! Julia's haircut is soo soo lovely. just right for the perky young lady! And I see Mari holding Julia's arm in one pic, and the two of them dressed alike in another pic. so these are all good signs? They have a bond that will keep them linked for life!! I hope you all are doing better and that things keep turning in the right direction. your strength and courage are showing through. so glad to see you posting. God bless you, friend! ((and menopause sucks!))

  2. Glad you guys made it through and are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like we were in a similar place on a kindergarten level. It will get better.

  3. I also noticed Mair holding Julia's arm, it seems to show their link and love and support for eachother. I know hormones suck, and I hope I don't become a crazy menopause lady but the hormones without menopause aren't all that great either. HOpeing to follow in my mother;s footsteps and not have it be a big deal.
    Gald you made it thrut eh paces and did all you were suppose to do, hopefully next year you will all have the holdiay feeling again.

  4. Holidays are tough aren't they? We were doing a lot of the 'walk the walk' at our house, too. Hoping brighter days are on the horizon for all.