Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I know some of you would never dream of putting something like this in writing! I just need to vent and this ether world seems like a promising place to shoot the words to my fears in the hopes that calling them out reduces the power they have over me. I GOTTA STOP WATCHING THE NEWS!!!!!!! I do not know how I can actually accomplish this self intervention. I've tried many times, since the whole hysteria over the two cases in Florida involving child abduction and murder, to just put on one of my favorite Opera C.D.'s instead of the T.V. I've pumped the volume on some of my favorite show tunes and even my high school phase of John Denver has seen a mini-revival! But then the girls need to know the weather to pick an appropriate school outfit so on goes the local weather channel and then as with all addictions I'm sucked into surfing the news networks. I could just check the weather on the Internet BUT there's another whole topic on an addictive influence. I'd consider blocking the channels on my cable remote...if I even had the remotest clue how to do that! BUT then there is the whole conundrum of how to be an informed adult/citizen if you're not familiar with world events??? I JUST DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE CHILD ABDUCTION/RAPE/MURDER STORIES....OKAY!!!!!!! Nancy Grace is no longer 'my friend'....I'm 'ignoring' her friend request from here on out. It's not her personally!! Nor her strong support for trying to publicize Amber Alerts! I just CANNOT bear to listen to the in depth analysis of how a FIVE YEAR OLD child can be sold into 'sexual servitude' by her own MOTHER?!?!?!? I do not need anymore fodder for my already over worked mind nor visions that give me insomnia. I do not want to lay awake and wonder if I have enough pictures of my children to provide to the media in the event the worst were to happen!!! I do not want to lay awake and contemplate just how to invent an implantable GPS chip that would be non-toxic and legal! I do not want to look at a beloved picture and the first thought be, "Oh yeah, she has a horrible scar on her left bi-cep (from a stupid and unnecessary vaccination given to her in Guatemala) which could be used to identify her." I've always loved this picture of my two girls...but lately I 'see' Julia's BCG scar...and the unique way her toes overlap....and the little freckle on the back of Mari's calf...and this leads me to say to myself, "And don't forget that Mari has a VERY flat spot on the back of her head from being left in a car seat too many hours as a baby!" This very well may be a 'normal' Mother phase but I'm thinking the spate of news stories has hyper-sensitized me. I want to be able to go back and look at a picture like this and just see the genuine smiles because Julia was only too happy to sit on Mari and Mari, who is sooooo very ticklish, was trying not to laugh from Julia's touch. To remember the carefree day we had at the mall that day when Julia had her first 'short' haircut and how Mari opted for a special do because her perm was still growing out. How I had just bought those dresses for the 4th of July at the Gymboree store and as we passed the Picture People shop we impulsively went in to capture the memory of the new shorter hair on Julia and missed the scrunchie on Mari's wrist. And then I think...well at least I HAVE pictures. How many Mothers around the world have had a child stolen from them who have NOTHING to hold? How many of those children could possibly be sleeping peacefully in an American bedroom? Or how many are sleeping with Jesus? I am not so naive as to think if I do not see/here these stories that they do not happen or are any less horrific. I just do not need them in MY BRAIN. So I will give myself a pep talk every morning as I pump up the volume on my C.D. player and hope that I have the will power to walk away from the remote. I wonder if there is even enough Diet Coke in the world to handle the DT's?
Posted by Spudsnsalsa at 11:31 AM