Thursday, July 15, 2010

Moods of a Mid-life Mom....

There are these moments in ones life when there is no ducking the smack upside the head! I have been quiet on here for too long but now I think sufficient time has elapsed to allow me to share without being too emotionally involved in the subject. You see, while we were trying to enjoy this simply gorgeous summer I've been spending waaaaaaaay too much of it in waiting rooms and lead lined radiogram rooms!!

The missed Chicago trip due to my Menier's emphasized the need to get more proactive in it's treatment. Durng a bunch of doctoring in anticipation of having a procedure to alleviate the symptoms of the Menier's Syndrome I ran right into one heck of a mid-life/mortality episode!! You see, each step along the doctoring path revealed medical issues previously undiagnosed. 

So while I  was caught up in the domino fall of diagnosis there was still a life to be lived!!! We decided that the pedicure outing was so 'bonding' that we headed out for Patriotic Pedicures (:

BFF/Cousin Deirdre landed in the car as we headed out so I gave up my slot. Not long into the pedicure as we watched this.....

it was revealed that this was Deirdre's FIRST pedicure!!! Red, white, and blue polish it was for all!

Having a Mom in a mid-life funk is not how I want the girls to remember this summer so we kept up with all the holiday social schedule...

attending cousin Liz's 1st annual 4th of July bar-be-que at her first home! A real grown up girl now that she has a mortgage....


There were fireworks to be seen...

two nights in a row!!!!!!

All the while I've got visions of this in my head......

poor quality I know  but I was just a tad bit shaken when I was handed this prescription sheet!!! At the very last second, before I had to hand it in at the radiology desk I decided to snap the picture so as to have a record of this event!

There it is! Clearly visible on the x-ray. So back to the hand specialist it see, I'm RIGHT HANDED!!!! I'm a DENTIST!!!!! I SEW!!!! I cook, clean, and clap from the sidelines! My LIFE revolves around my hands?!?!? This was only supposed to be a ganglion biggie. Just a quick out-patient procedure and a week or two of splinting and then OT and I'm back to my old self......maybe....because the hand specialist didn't see a ganglion cyst!!!!!

So off I was again to the lead lined cell! This time with his words ringing in my ears about fibrosarcomas and schwannomas.....neither of which would leave my hand with it's original capabilities.

AND now I've been marked up for surgery!!! CT scan ruled out fibrosarcoma and schwannoma....yeah!!! The mass is yet to be conclusively identified and probably won't be until it's in the hands of the pathologist. The dots are the circumference of the 'tumor' and the wiggly line is the flap design he intends to use. Still life must go on! While I spent waaaay too many of my nights awake and pondering the deepest thoughts of the meaning of ones life, the days were spent 'in the moment'!

Lucky for me I have a blessed life! Just as the reality of my mortality takes a tight grip and starts to shake me silly there comes my teachable moment.....

a family bridal shower!!! An afternoon spent with my Aunts and Cousins....

 an afternoon with new babies to celebrate...and tears for the shared sadness in watching a bride-to-be as she opened the crocheted blanket made just for her big day by a cousin who is in her last days with brain cancer.The circle of life in all it's stages in one room. Blessed beyond belief to have each other to share this walk through life. Now as I head towards the operating room, I'm thinking that this summer is a metaphor for life itself! The picture of my life would just be too 'cartoonish' without these strokes of gray and black to shadow the bright and beautiful and give it the depth of beauty it truly contains!!!


  1. Sorry to hear about the problems with your wrist. I hope it all turns out okay.

  2. a lovely post -- so full of your feelings, and your joy of life is apparent even amid the fear or scariness of all the unknowns. I've missed you. I'll pray for you and the surgeon! and for your recovery. God bless.

  3. geez louise its not fun when you feel liek youare just falling apart. Glad you are throwing in some fun things to make it a great summer. HOpe all is well with the hand, it might be a bit harder to switch to be a cool left handed person now, ha ha!
    Maya's been loving her dresses, now that we have summer weather.

  4. So sorry to hear about your hand. You are always active with your sewing and doing other stuff and I know this got you real down. ((HUGS))
    Recover fast and let the girls wait on you and give rest up!